The desire to help, support, and accompany others is part of human nature. Altruism and empathy are precious qualities that enrich our relationships and strengthen our emotional well-being. However, sometimes this desire to give to others comes at the expense of our own balance. So how can we find the middle ground? How can we offer help without losing ourselves? so let’s review how to help others without losing yourself
1- Understanding the Mechanisms of Empathy and Altruism
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes, to feel their emotions, and to understand their distress. Altruism, on the other hand, drives us to act to alleviate this distress, often without expecting anything in return. While these mechanisms are essential for a harmonious society, they can also become overwhelming and lead to emotional exhaustion if we don’t set boundaries.
When we allow ourselves to be absorbed by the suffering of others, we risk losing our own balance. This state, called “compassion fatigue,” particularly affects those who are highly sensitive or those in helping professions (healthcare workers, teachers, social workers, etc.).
2- Learning to Say No: An Act of Self-Respect
Saying no is not synonymous with selfishness. On the contrary, it’s a way of respecting our own needs in order to be able to help others more effectively later on. If you wear yourself out trying to be present for everyone, you’ll end up not being available for anyone, including yourself.
Here are some tips for learning to set boundaries:
- Listen to yourself: If a request makes you uncomfortable or seems too burdensome, take a moment to reflect before responding.
- Formulate a kind refusal: “I understand that you need help, but I’m unable to assist you with this right now.”
- Offer alternatives: If you can’t help directly, direct the person to other resources.
3- Taking Care of Yourself to Better Take Care of Others
Recharging is essential in order to offer sincere and effective help. Taking time for yourself doesn’t mean abandoning others; rather, it strengthens your own capacity to support them.
Practices to incorporate into your daily routine:
- Letting go: Accept that you can’t save everyone.
- Engaging in enjoyable activities: Reading, exercise, meditation, music… these moments recharge our energy.
- Spending time with supportive people: Surrounding yourself with people who support you helps prevent feelings of isolation.
4- Finding the Right Balance Between Giving and Receiving
It’s crucial not to always be in the giver role. Receiving is equally essential for maintaining emotional balance. Don’t hesitate to accept help from others, share your own difficulties, and cultivate relationships where the exchange is mutual.
Ways to balance the scales:
- Express your needs: Dare to say when you need comfort or help.
- Accept the gratitude of others: Sometimes we minimize the impact of what we do. Learning to accept a sincere thank you is an important form of recognition.
- Allow yourself to receive without guilt: Balance in a relationship comes from mutual sharing.
5- Cultivating Healthy Empathy
It’s possible to be deeply empathetic without absorbing the emotions of others. To do so, you must learn to distinguish the other person’s emotions from your own. Meditation, mindfulness, or grounding practices can help prevent being overwhelmed.
Techniques for balanced empathy:
- Visualize a protective barrier: Imagine a wall of light between yourself and the other person to prevent absorbing their emotions.
- Practice mindful breathing: Take deep breaths to recenter yourself after an intense listening session.
- Take a step back: Remind yourself that you are a support, not a savior.
6- The Importance of Gratitude Towards Yourself
Finally, it’s essential to recognize your own merits. Take a moment to appreciate what you’ve done, celebrate your small victories, and cultivate gratitude towards yourself. This strengthens your emotional well-being and allows you to help with more serenity.
Simple exercises:
- Keep a gratitude journal: Each evening, write down three things you did to help, but also three things you did for yourself.
- Praise yourself: Instead of always striving to do more, allow yourself to say, “I did my best, and that’s enough.”
- Reward yourself: A nice meal, a warm bath, or a moment of relaxation after an intense period of helping others.
Conclusion: Helping with Balance and Integrity
Helping others is a beautiful proof of humanity, but it should never come at the cost of yourself. Finding the balance between generosity and self-respect not only preserves your energy but also allows you to offer more authentic and lasting help. Knowing when to set boundaries, taking care of your own well-being, and accepting help are key to balancing empathy and personal fulfillment.
We hope this guide has given you some key insights to help others without losing yourself, while strengthening healthier and more balanced relationships.
Sources :
- The Science of Empathy – Harvard Gazette – https://www.harvard.edu/gazette
- Compassion Fatigue and Self-Care – American Psychological Association – https://www.apa.org
- Mindfulness for Emotional Resilience – Stanford University – https://www.stanford.edu
- Balancing Empathy and Self-Care – Psychology Today – https://www.psychologytoday.com
- The Neuroscience of Giving – National Institutes of Health – https://www.nih.gov
