The Art of Mutual Growth
Ah, feedback! This Anglo-Saxon term has quietly woven itself into our professional conversations, personal development workshops, and even our couple’s dinners. It’s on everyone’s lips, often invoked, sometimes feared, but rarely mastered. And yet, behind this somewhat technical term lies a relational art that is as delicate as it is essential: the art of saying things to each other in order to evolve together. When practiced correctly, it becomes a powerful lever for both individual and collective growth.
1- Feedback, the Unloved
Let’s be honest: giving and receiving feedback is not everyone’s favorite activity. Why? Because it awakens in us ancient fears: fear of hurting, fear of being judged, fear of not being good enough. On one side, there is the one who trembles at the idea of “causing harm,” and on the other, the one who fears “taking it badly.” The result: we avoid it, beat around the bush, sugarcoat it, or worse, deliver it like a slap disguised as frankness.
But how do we transform this potential minefield into fertile ground? How do we make feedback a tool that serves the relationship, rather than a weapon of mass destruction?
2– Giving Feedback: Neither Sugar nor Poison
A good feedback is like a good recipe: it requires specific ingredients, a pinch of delicacy, a zest of clarity, and a generous dose of kindness.
- Specificity, not vague generalities
Forget vague generalities like “You’re not very professional” or “You should be more motivated.” Useful feedback is based on observable facts: “In Tuesday’s meeting, you arrived 15 minutes late without notifying anyone, which delayed the start of the presentation.” It’s precise, factual, and therefore easier to hear. - Intent as a Compass
Why are we giving this feedback? Is it to vent or to help the other person grow? This question deserves to be asked. The intention to foster growth, improve, and open a door rather than slam one is the key to constructive feedback. - The “Sandwich” Technique: Handle with Subtlety
Starting with a positive point, slipping in the critique, and finishing with encouragement: the famous sandwich technique has its followers. It can work, as long as the compliments aren’t just decorative wrappers around a poorly digested reproach. In other words, always authenticity. - The Right Time, the Right Place
Feedback is not a surprise attack. It should be given in a calm, respectful environment conducive to listening. Doing it in front of everyone? Bad idea. Sending it via email on a Sunday evening? Even worse. Taking dedicated time in a serene atmosphere changes everything.
3- Receiving Feedback: Taking a Step Back and Breathing
Receiving feedback is like opening a package without knowing what’s inside. It could contain a gift, a wise piece of advice, or sometimes a biting remark that hits a sensitive spot. But it is also a precious opportunity to learn something about ourselves.
- Breathe Before Reacting
Active listening begins with silence. Resisting the urge to defend immediately, to correct or counterattack, allows space for what the other person is saying. And if we don’t understand, we can always ask for clarification. - Sort It Out
Not all feedback is worth taking literally. The key is to distinguish what resonates from a personal judgment of the other. Ask yourself: “What can I take from this constructively?” and let the rest slide off, like water off a duck’s back. - Thank, Even if It’s Uncomfortable
Thanking the other person for taking the time to share their point of view, even if it’s unsettling, is a powerful stance. It shows that we recognize the value of the exchange, even if imperfect.
4- Feedback and Relationships: A Game of Mirrors
Giving and receiving feedback is like lending each other a mirror. It’s not “the truth” that we exchange, but a perspective, a perception, a signal. And if this signal is received without judgment or defensiveness, it can become a valuable relational compass.
In professional relationships, it fuels cooperation, defuses latent tensions, and builds trust. In personal relationships, it nurtures intimacy, clears misunderstandings, and refines mutual understanding. In short, it keeps the bonds alive.
But this requires a bit of learning. Just like learning to dance with a partner, listening to the rhythm, adjusting one’s steps.
5- Three Key Attitudes to Cultivate
- Curiosity
Being curious about the other person, about what they are experiencing, and how they perceive our behavior. This means suspending our certainty of being right and opening a space where everyone can express their feelings. - Humility
Recognizing that we are not perfect, that we can make mistakes, unintentionally hurt others, or be off-track. It’s sometimes a small step for the ego, but a giant leap for the relationship. - Desire to Evolve
Feedback is not an end, it’s a beginning. A springboard towards “better,” towards adjustment, evolution, and co-creation of the bond.
Concllusion Feedback : The Relational Muscle of Tomorrow?
In a world where we increasingly talk about emotional intelligence, nonviolent communication, authentic leadership… feedback is no longer a luxury, it’s an essential skill. Giving and receiving feedback needs to be exercised. It develops through use, experience, and trial and error. The goal is not perfection, but accuracy. Not to become a teacher, but a partner in growth.
What if we collectively made this relational art a natural reflex? A joyful habit, a ritual of connection? After all, telling someone: “I believe in your ability to grow, and I want us to move forward together,” isn’t that a sublime form of recognition?
📚 Sources :
- “The Power of Feedback” – Review of Educational Research
- “Feedback Orientation and Performance” – Journal of Applied Psychology
- “Receiving Feedback: When Feedback Reduces Performance” – Journal of Experimental Psychology
- “Constructive Feedback and Professional Development” – Academy of Management Learning & Education
- “Developing Feedback Literacy in Organizations” – Human Resource Development International
